One Week

Staring into this little boy's face will never get old! Even at 7 days old, you are just the most handsome boy in the world (except for maybe Daddy, of course...) At his one week check up (in lieu of the normal two week check up since we will be traveling), he still had not made it back to birth weight yet. He was 7 pounds 2 ounces. But he'd grown a little since we left the hospital so that's good.

Miles Matthew Bennett 4.11.12

 The day Miles was born was incredible! I debate on how much detail I want to include on a blog, but I know I enjoy reading about other people's experiences so I will record most of it here.

We got there early in the morning and they started my antibiotics and an hour later they turned on the pitocin. I had chosen to be induced because I did not want my new little baby to come into a world in quite so much chaos as that of the week of finals, moving and graduation. I was very nervous about being induced. I had already set my mind to completing this labor without the numbing effects of an epidural and having to be induced really made me nervous.

Any way, they turned on the pitocin around 8:45 a.m. I started feeling the contractions almost immediately! Not long after they started the pitocin, however, they came in and decided to turn it off because the baby was not responding well. His heart rate did not look impressive and the midwife was concerned. They waited for several hours waiting to hear what the OBGYN advised and then finally decided to try the pitocin one more time and see what happens. So around 3:00 p.m., they started the pitocin back up, going a little bit slower this time. They checked to see how far along in labor I was and found me to be only one centimeter dilated (so much of this sounds a lot like my labor with Lydia...). The baby seemed to do just fine this time around. They kept pestering me about the dang monitors and keeping them where they could monitor the baby at all times, which was difficult with being up and walking around. I started to be quite uncomfortable around 6:30. The nurse checked me again at 7:00 p.m. and I was still only dilated to 3 centimeters. I had 7 more to go!?
The contractions really started to come strong and closer together. Soon I was beginning to panic a little. I knew that not very much time had passed since she said I was only 3 centimeters dilated, but I was in quite a lot of pain! I thought that if I had to endure that for hours more, I didn't know if I could do it. I fought to control my breathing and relax as much as possible. Chris was a great support and did everything he knew how to do. It was a beautiful experience for us to do this together.
I started to realize what it meant when women talk about "the need to push". This was something entirely different than what I had expected. It literally is a need to push. I could not control it. My body was taking over and I had little say in what was happening now. I asked the nurse if it was normal to kind of feel like it was pushing. She then began to insist that I get back in bed. I stood up to get back in bed and my water broke and I knew that my baby was coming fast!
I hurried into bed as suddenly my room was full of nurses that came rushing in from I don't even know where! My nurse had announced that I was crowning. This was the part of labor that I could not have anticipated. It was an extraordinary feeling! I remember starting to feel so afraid. I didn't know what to do and how to handle what was happening. I couldn't stop it. I could feel my baby coming and I wasn't sure what was going on in my body! The nurses kept telling me not to push, and I had no idea how to stop myself from preventing the baby from coming. Chris was wonderful and encouraging and stayed with me the entire time. One nurse finally looked me in the eye and told me that she was going to be delivering my baby because the midwife had not yet arrived at the hospital. She instructed me to do short quick breaths and he would be out with one more contraction. With her telling me what was going to happen, I could bring my thoughts back to ground and focus. Next thing I knew I was looking at my baby! He was right there in front of my eyes and I watched as he took his first breath, they leaned him over me and I could see the cord connecting the two of us. It almost made me sad to see that connection be disconnected. They then took him over to the warming lights and did the little tests they do and brought him straight back to me and placed him in my arms! (It was now 8:00 p.m., in one hour, I went from being dilate to 3 centimeters to having a baby in my arms!) Chris and I got to hold our brand new son together for as long as we wanted. It was beautiful! It is indescribable, the feelings that I had at that moment. I was filled with love. Love for my dear husband. Love for my new baby. And love from Heavenly Father.

 We decided to let Lydia come in and see him that night. She was thrilled and so cute. She loves loves her little brother and I am so pleased to be a mother of two now!

 Excuse the blurryness, our camera broke not long ago and has trouble focusing...

 Lydia and her baby brother, Miles. 

 What a handsome little Mr. 

 The Masner crew came to see us at the hospital. So glad they came. 

 The Stevenses also came to see us in the hospital. Sad that this was the last time we'd see them before we moved. We didn't know that at that time. 

 She loves him very much. Adores him. And smothers him!

 We got home from the hospital and found this when we went to unload the little chicklets, this is how we found them. 

I just love this picture! Such father pride, looking at his tiny son.

Graduation! Graduation!

Graduation day was stressful, but it was nice. Our house was a disaster in the midst of moving boxes and packing and diapers strewn out everywhere! I managed to get dressed and ready and Chris dropped me off early. I thought I'd enjoy a little bit of time to myself, but as soon as I had checked in, all I wanted was to visit with my family!  And I had regretted not bringing Miles with me. I decided it would be fun to walk with him, but it was too late, I had no way of getting a hold of Chris now... I hadn't brought my phone with me. So I just went for a little walk in the beautiful weather and pondered on my past couple of years and struggles and really felt rather accomplished at what I was celebrating on this day. It was funny because without Miles with me I walked past people and nobody had even a hint at what I had been through this past couple of weeks. There were no funny looks because my belly was not protruding as it had only one week ago and I wasn't carrying my baby as proof of the discomfort that I was feeling inside (although, I still think I was better off with postpardum discomfort than to still be pregnant...). It was all very humbling for me actually because I walked past people and wondered about their stories. I had recently experienced (and was still experiencing) a life changing event and nobody knew. It made me wonder how many people I pass every day who are struggling with any kind of difficulty, and yet I am completely oblivious. I took the time to look into the faces of the people I passed and really try to understand the look in their eyes. It was a good experience and I realized that we each truly do have a story, and we can't judge a book by its cover.

Once we had paraded out into our seats on the gym floor of the Marriott Center, I searched around for my family. There were crowds and crowds of people and I was sure I would never find them, especially without my phone to contact them and ask them where they were sitting. I continued to scan the crowds in hopes that I might just find them. I was having no luck. Apparently they could see me and were screaming my name and whistling in efforts to get my attention. Nothing worked until my little girl cried out, "Mommy!" and instantly I recognized the tiny voice above the crowd and knew immediately who that sweet little voice belonged to. I turned to find my family waving excitedly and cheering for me, including my darling little three year old! I broke into tears at the thought that even in a huge crowd of people, I could still hear the small voice of my little girl. I hope she knows how much she means to me and I hope that I will always be there to cheer her on as she has done so for me these first few years of her life. What an angel.

This was a happy day and I was so glad to share it with my brand new little boy, Chris and Lydia, my mom and dad, Chris's mom and dad, brother, sister and Grandma. It was a beautiful day and I will not ever forget it.

Last Moments with Babe in the "oven"

Our little boy will be arriving within this day!! We are so so very excited. Slightly nervous, but oh so happy! I'm so glad Becky is close and can watch Lydia for us. We had made arrangements for her to watch Lydia and I made sure she knew what time to come over this morning the night before, but 6:00 came and 6:15 came and no Becky, after texting her a couple of times, I finally called her around 6:30 (we were supposed to be at the hospital at 7:00 a.m.), "I'm coming Brindy!" she said, "I don't know why I thought when we talked last night that you meant 6:00 in the EVENING!" hahah No. Becky, we weren't going to the hospital in the evening to be induced for labor....So she rushed over and took these precious photos for us as we ran out the door.

Easter Events 2012

 The Easter Egg Hunt at Great Grandma Stoker's assisted living home. We were too late to actually participate in the egg hunt, but we got to see the Easter bunny and Grandma. Lydia usually has not apprehension about things, but the Easter Bunny made her quite nervous (he was a rather sore sight...).

 Lydia really enjoyed the friday afternoons we got to spend with Great Grandma. She read stories with her and did puzzles. I'm glad she got to form some good memories with her. 

 Flying kites with Kate and Isaac. I had been wanting to take Lydia out to fly kites for quite some time, and the Masners invited us on a perfect windy day. So while Chris and Matt attended the Priesthood session of conference together, we flew kites. Lydia did not enjoy it as I had anticipated, but it was still fun. 

 We decided to venture out to the Provo City Easter Egg Hunt the Saturday before Easter. Lydia hadn't participated in a real Easter Egg Hunt yet and so it was fun to see her reaction. She did great and followed all the rules. She had a good time and we got to play at the park and pet some fun little baby animals. 

 We gave Lydia a mini Book of Mormon and a new dress for Easter. She had been wanting a towel dress for a while so I threw one of those in there too. She loved all the treats and has really enjoyed her own Book of Mormon to read every night. :) She is cute. 

 This was the basket for the little dude still in my tummy. We already feel like he is a part of our family and couldn't leave him out. 

 Family Picture Easter Sunday 2012 

We drove up to Bountiful to hear our cute little niece, Kate, sing in sacrament meeting. She did such a great job! She sang a beautiful song called 'Gethsemane'. We took this up at the Bountiful Temple after church. We enjoyed a little egg hunt with the cousins, a delicious dinner with the Masners and the Motts (Matt smoked some ham and lamb and it was so so yummy), and had a fun evening with the whole family.

 My little Lydia. She is such a precious girl in our life and we love her so much.

I am sad that I have not recorded any of our happenings very well recently. We have had so many it has been difficult to keep up on actually carrying out those happenings, let alone journaling about them. Even now, I wonder if tomorrow, I will regret not sleeping right now....

Some things I really want recorded in our family year book, so I will make the effort right now, even if it means sacrificing some precious sleep.

Miles is the sweetest little baby. I thought that we lucked out with Lydia, as far as baby's temperaments go. Miles seems to be even milder! He does not like cold wet wipes on his bum, and taking baths (mainly because I think he gets cold), and passing his poo seems to bother him, but other than that, this little guy is just a chill little one.
I love his little cry. It's more like a little whimper and I love it! Never thought I'd say that I like the sound of his cry, but it really is quite adorable.

I am so happy that the long trip doesn't seem to have affected his health, he is growing and is healthy (Last I weighed him was a couple of days ago and he was 8.6 pounds). I am still concerned a little only because I haven't been able to take him in for check-ups since we've arrived here because we have no insurance coverage yet.

We are still working on the nursing thing....It seems as though I have a bit of trouble in that area, but all is well, Lydia turned out all right I guess. :)
Lydia is struggling adjusting a little bit I think. Not necessarily obvious conversation and such, but just in her demeanor. She is just really really defiant and having a difficult time listening and being obedient. She is still her rambunctious cute little self, just slightly grumpier and emotionally unstable....

We are slowly settling in to our new home in my parents' house. We are so grateful to them for putting us up until I get hear from medical schools. Lydia is already enjoying being with Grandma and Grandpa very much. She misses them when they are gone and is becoming quite the little manipulator! If I say no, she goes and asks Daddy, if he says no, she finds Grandma or Grandpa...or Aunt Rachel...

We found that we will not qualify for in-state tuition for another 6 months! So Chris has decided find a job now and allow me to be home as much as possible to be with the two little stinkers before I start medical school. I am thoroughly enjoying having no deadlines and school work to stress about. It has been a wonderful little break.

I will now attempt to post some pictures and such of our journeys this past month. 

Just Some Things to Remember

I keep looking back at when I was pregnant with Lydia for some sort of advice or relief as to what to expect in this pregnancy and notice that I did not record much about it...so I'd like to take just a minute and write down some things just so that if/when there's a next time, I won't be surprised when my belly button feels like it's going to tear open and have to think, did it really feel like this last time?

So a note to self; some things to remember:

At about 8 months prego, the pelvic area will be in great pain...for the rest of the time and it will just gradually get worse, like your hips are going to break apart. Just keep walking!

Your belly button will stretch out more than you can imagine is possible...don't worry, it never ripped open..

With Lydia, you rarely felt any contractions prior to the actual day, but with your son, you felt them all the time.

Hiccups will always drive you crazy. Some women love to feel them...not you, so just breathe and try to think of a happy place those several times a day that the babe gets the hiccups.

Try to get silky sheets and silky pajamas next time because when you have to turn from side to side in your bed at night, it is sooooo SO difficult as it is because you're big, and your hips hurt to move, so limit the friction as much as possible.

Lydia is Growin Up

I just really want to document how this process is going so that I can remember just in case I have to deal with it in the future.

Lydia is doing amazing. It was pretty hard for that first few days, but really, I think she has finally made the decision, herself, that she will stop sucking her thumb! She is feeling so happy and proud of herself now and it is making me so happy. She recognizes that she is doing something important and significant.

It has been difficult for me to see a whole new maturity level reached by her as she has went through this. It really has made me realize that she is growing up so fast! Just this morning, I was leaving for school and she kept asking me not to go. That makes it so difficult for me to leave. Then she started being really ornery and mean because I couldn't warm up her chocolate milk (our microwave is broken). I finally had to leave and as I was walking out the door she came running up to me, "Momma. Mommy wait!" she came up to me and said, "I'm sorry Momma." and gave me a big hug! I was so impressed. She made that decision all on her own. Then she said, "You can go and come back. I can play games with my Daddy." It brought me to tears to hear her be so mature. I was so proud of her and happy that she realized that it was ok for me to go to school and that I will always come back, but it also broke my heart that it wasn't me that would be there to play games with her...I just love that little girl and I don't know what I'd do without her and her Daddy.


I love her to pieces and I am so honored to be her mom.

Day Three and Four

I know this is kind of ridiculous, but I can't put in words how proud I am of my little girl! She is such a champ. She struggled for the first couple of nights, and there has been a little tift here and there, but overall, she is doing SO well at taking on this challenge.
Last night she went to bed without a single fuss and did not wake up until 8:00 a.m. this morning! She didn't even come crawl in bed with us at all! She woke up happy and I was sooo relieved. I had been so afraid that we were causing some internal conflict within her sweet heart, but today she was the most mature little girl and it actually made me somewhat sad! I almost want to give her lamb back to her to keep her younger for longer. I know that won't do it, but it seems like all of a sudden she is not a toddler any more and she is a little girl. We have tried really hard to make sure that she knows this isn't a punishment, this is an accomplishment that she can do and she can be so proud of herself for doing it. This seemed to really help a lot. When she realized that it wasn't a bad thing and it was a challenge for her, it seemed like she changed her attitude. I hope that this same perspective continues because it is much more fun to see her happy with herself than to see her sad that she had a birthday and turned three!

Good Job, my little Lydia! I am so proud of you!

Day Two

Last night was night two in the no lamb and thumb effort. Wow! It was so much better! She woke up once, came in bed with us, and went right back to sleep. I moved her back into her bed and she was there for the rest of the night! I heard her wake up once around 6:30 a.m. not very happy about finding no lamb....but she went back to sleep!

I am so proud of my little Lydia! This has been so hard for her! It breaks my heart sometimes and I wonder if we are doing the right thing, but I think if we stick to it for a week or two more, it will be better in the long run. Because we told her for so long that once she turned three, she couldn't suck her thumb any more, she thinks that if she acts like a baby, she will still get to suck her thumb. It makes me sad. She'll even say things like, "I don't WANT a birthday." "I'm NOT three."
Any advice on making this more of a positive thing and a big accomplishment for her? I've been trying everything I can think of and have been giving praise, praise, praise, but I just don't want her to be depressed about getting bigger.
This seems to be a rough time for her as it is because she is wanting so much independence, and yet she wants the attention and things of a baby....I just hope that we are not making a difficult time even more difficult by breaking the habit. I just keep thinking that it is better to do it now than later....?

Weening....

I have went back and forth with trying to ween Lydia from sucking her thumb. We were hoping that by talking about it for months before she was 3 that she would just know that when she turned three she would have to stop, but it didn't work....
We tried to enforce it for a couple of days and it was so heartbreaking that I decided it wasn't worth it. Now it has developed into more of a personal choice than a need and I think that if we don't stop it now it may become more of a problem...

So, I started again last night to enforce no sucking thumb....I think I got a total of 3 hours of sleep....

So Day 1 in breaking bad habit: Not great, but we made it through the first night.

I feel as though I would be at a loss if I did not write down my feelings right now. I was in the library studying today when the announcement came over the intercom that the desks and such would be closing for the University Devotional. I have not attended very many of the devotionals this semester simply because I was studying or because it was inconvenient. For some reason I felt as though I should attend devotional today. I debated on the wisdom in this seeing as I have not studied a wink for two exams that I have this week and I know that my time to study is already very rare. Our lesson in relief society this week has been on my mind ever since. It was about prioritizing and putting those things that are essential to our salvation before other things. Not necessarily that going to the devotional was essential to my salvation, I just realized that I had not been giving very much of my time to the Lord, to studying His gospel and doctrine, and to praying sincerely. I decided that I would go to the devotional and I will study after.

On my way to the devotional I was pondering why I might have had the prompting to attend the devotional today. I really did have a lot of things that I could be doing, good things, things that were necessary for me to do well in school, but I guess they weren't essential at this time. I thought back to one semester in which I made the effort to attend devotional almost every single tuesday. As I thought about how refreshing that was for me, because I really did love it, I also realized that that was the only semester at BYU that I had obtained straight A's in all of my classes!

The devotional today was exceptional. A man from the Athletics department, Dallan Moody, spoke of the presence of God in our lives. He spoke of how sometimes the absence of a miracle is the miracle, he spoke of looking up when things seem they could get no worse, he spoke of discouragement and the importance of faith during the all time low moments. It was perfect and it was inspired! I was uplifted, edified, encouraged and motivated to persevere! I am so grateful that I went today and I will make more of an effort to attend for the rest of the semester. It really is something that is unique to BYU and something that if I do not take advantage of now, I may regret it.

When I put the things of the Lord first, my life will be blessed, this I know.

I just wanted to write down some of my favorite words to hear Lydia say! haha

Joseph: because she says Jophes.
Medicine: because she says Mecidine.
She has since corrected herself, but she used to say Amilars for Animals.
Mom: because she says Momma ( I just like it because no one ever told her to say it like that...it was all her and I love it.)
Binky: because she say Pinky
Her babies' names: because it's usually Hakidudi, or Chocodidi.


My interview with her today:
M: "Lydia what's your favorite thing to eat?"
L: "Um, chocolate."

M:"What's your favorite color?"
L: "Brown."

M: "What's your favorite fruit?"
L: "Um, vregtable. I like fruit named carrot."
M: "What's your favorite vegetable?"
L: "Carrot."

M: "What is your favorite thing to do with Mom?"
L: "To play a game."

M: "Lydia, what's your favorite thing to do with Dad?"
L: "Princess Game!"

M: "What makes you most excited for your brother to come?"
L: "To play toys with him."

M: "What do you do when you get hurt?"
L: "Um, I bonked my head."
M: "But what did you do when you bonked your head?"
L: "I didn't."
M: "Didn't what?"
L: "I didn't bonk my head."
M: "So what would you do if you did bonk your head?"
L: "I'd get hurt."
M: "Oh."

M:"What makes you happy?"
L:"Playing."

M: "Who's cute?"
L: "Lydia."
M: "Who else is cute?"
L: "Mommy."
M: "Any one else?"
L: "Daddy."
M: "Daddy's cute?"
L: "Ya."

M: "Who is Jesus?"
L: "He's a prophet."
M: "Is Jesus the son of God?"
L: "Uh huh."

January is really going by fast and I couldn't be happier! The faster April comes, the better. I keep going back and forth between feeling anxious to feeling ecstatic, to feeling overwhelmed to feeling peaceful to feeling excited!! So many things that I am looking forward to, but so many things that I have to do before they all come.