About a week ago, I took my first Organic Chemistry test. It was a nightmare! I had studied as best as my time and priorities would allow when I entered the testing center. I got in at about 7:30 p.m. I had never taken any tests in the evening and so I was not completely educated on the whole "WE KICK YOU OUT EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT DONE WITH YOUR TEST" policy. I had just completed the multiple choice part of my test, which accounted for only half of the test, when an overly sweet voice announced that we had 10 minutes to finish our tests! I lost it! haha. There was absolutely NO WAY I was going to finish the second half written answer part of my test when the first part took me an hour and a half! I was going to fail. Our grade in this class is almost solely dependent on our test grades. I raced through as fast as I could, answering the ones that I knew right off and being very vague. I handed in my test so flustered and upset, trying to calm myself by thinking, "Well at least I feel pretty good about the multiple choice part... hopefully that will compensate for the damage done on the written part."
All hopes were gone, however, when I looked at my score on the daunting little screen as I left the testing center and saw a 64%! What!? Then I was just bummed! I hadn't been home ALL day. I had been studying SO HARD. And I had no ride home because the last bus leaves BYU at 9:10 and it was 9:05 and I certainly was in NO MOOD to run to the bus stop clear across campus. I called Chris in tears and begged him to come and pick me up even though I knew he wasn't supposed to leave the house because we were on call for the mortuary. I made my way to the bus stop to find that it hadn't left yet! I had the whole 30 minute ride home to ponder on my failed test...and why the stinkiest people ride the 9:00 bus... (But that's probably a story in and of itself...)?
After fighting tears most of the way home, I got off at my stop. I crossed the street, and as I came up to my home I saw the flower bed neatly weeded, groomed, and filled with beautiful topsoil, our garden watered and growing (Chris always does everything that he can and MORE to make my job at home easier. He's the BEST.). The air suddenly became more fresh and as I looked up into the sky I saw a beautiful bright moon surrounded by glistening stars. My eyes welled up with tears again, but this time because of an overwhelming sense of peace and comfort. As much as I struggle with feeling like I have not met the marks that I have set for myself, I had a sweet confirmation that I am doing the will of the Father and He is there to lead and guide me. I felt so incredibly small as I gazed at the flowers, the trees, the moon and the stars! There certainly is a greater hand that controls the universe! The same hand that guides my life and I knew that as long as I do my best, He will help me with the rest. The world is so huge and it has huge problems! Quickly my little failed test felt like one grain of sand on a mile long beach. Reassured that a loving Heavenly Father was aware of me, I turned and went in to my charming little home where my sweet (and handsome and manly) husband was waiting to welcome me. Life really does go on.
2 comments:
ohhh man i feel ya. ive had so many of those experiences. haha its the worst. but then u realize, u did your best and thats all you can do. the Lord will take care of the rest.
...sniff, sniff.....very poignant and thought provoking post. Your loving Heavenly Father is indeed proud of you and what you accomplish.....and so is this auntie!!
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